After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
