Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
