So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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