At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
why do cheetos always look like penises
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
