I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
