he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
