he wants to bone in the snuggie
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
