so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
