Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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