She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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