Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
