Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Too much gin, very little bucket
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
