Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
