note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My life is pants optional.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
