I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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