dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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