She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
