Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
