Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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