I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
