your parents love me but you hate me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
