I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
