I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
