glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
