Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
