It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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