So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
