I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
