yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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