he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
