4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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