the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
