i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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