he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am one with the molecules
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
