Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
