the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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