So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
