addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
