Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
