I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
