yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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