just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
