I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
