Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
