Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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