You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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