drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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