i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
