They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
