come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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